There are a lot of misconceptions regarding sex work and the porn industry which only fuel the ongoing stigma and shaming of those who are part of those worlds. I am very open about what I do and who I am, so when people ask me under hushed tones if I’m an escort I raise an eyebrow at them and respond with another question, “Why are we using our library voices?” It’s not something I quite wear like a scarlet letter on my chest, but my friends and family know, and if you ask me I won’t deny it. Why should I?
The three most common responses I receive after confirming my sexual and professional proclivities are disgust and pity, surprise and genuine curiosity, and inquiries regarding my hourly rate and availability. The latter two are most welcome because I enjoy dispelling misinformation and gaining new clients is always great. As Liza and Alan sang in glorious praise, “Money makes the world go round!”
While annoying, hate mail can sometimes be an entertaining way to pass the time between subway rides and prepping before meeting up with your date. A recent message came from Tim Tim on Jack’d. For months I’d been trying to ward off his advances until he sent me this precious gem:
It’s always better not to engage with people as inane as this person who actively sought out my Rentboy ad and then found me on a separate website to scold me for my life choices. I usually just ignore these types of messages, but I was feeling sassy. I’m always open to dialogue, but his prejudices were too far gone for any productive conversation. When my friends discovered my Hookies nominations, they confronted me about being an escort which shocked faces but open minds. Many were surprised that I would choose to enter the industry, citing the contrast by which I carry myself and my burgeoning ballet career. The bias that sex workers are all diseased drug addicts incapable of holding an intelligent conversation is commonplace, and I’m happy to shatter that illusion.
Only through representation and visibility does it become clearer to outsiders that their preconceived notions of the daily musings and life of an escort aren’t all that different from their own. These conversations make it possible to combat the stigma around the sex industry. Events like the Hookies Awards, Black Party, Folsom Street East, and Hustlaball, while all sexually-charged, open the doors to speaking openly about sex and sexuality so that fears and fabrications can be addressed. Communities and societies are ever-evolving, so archaic Puritanical values have little and less room in a modern context.
I encourage those with questions to ask them. I may not have all the answers, but no one person does, so it falls on our hands to ensure we do better for ourselves and those that follow in our steps.