Coming out of the closet at the turn of the millennium was wild. Gay iconography was limited to fringe and underground performers found explicitly in queer spaces, like gay bars and nightclubs. I remember watching “Queer as Folk” and seeing their gay village, and I wanted nothing more than to explore similar streets and dance at a club just like Babylon. Learning from another twink’s mistakes, I procured a convincing fake ID and traveled to a neighboring city where I could explore without being caught.
My friends who were in college accompanied me to my first gay bar and, with my heart pounding out of my chest, I was ushered through security and into another dimension. The distinctive energy was palpable, the bass of that thumpa-thumpa shook my bones, and I knew I was home. My lack of inhibitions and status as the bar’s fresh new meat caught the attention of a go-go dancer who pulled me onstage, tore off my jeans, and ordered me to dance. Like any good submissive, I didn’t hesitate when an order was given, and moved my body to the rhythm of the night, feeling my full fantasy.
While I certainly don’t condone underage drinking and fake IDs, that first time at a uniquely queer space had a profound and pivotal effect on me. Shy has never been a word used to describe me and, while I may not be the most striking person in the room, I enjoy riding the wave of energy that music and dance inspires in us all. I grew up with formal ballet training and enjoy the theater, so entertaining a crowd comes naturally to me. Go-go dancing introduced me to a variety of eclectic characters, from drag queens and club kids to hookers, tramps, and thieves.
There was a time when we were paid handsomely to show off our bodies and dance moves, simply because the greater majority of people were conservative and shy. The gradual change in sensibility, especially in the queer community, was welcome but shifted the balance to enable more people to come out of their shell and thus saturate the market with more willing entrants. The pay is less glamorous now than in previous years, but that’s the price of progress. Another noticeable shift is the prevalence of homogeneous white, muscular and increasingly heterosexual dancers onstage.
When I first started go-go dancing, clubs would hire a more diverse cast that included boyish twinks, hairy cubs, and alternative tattooed men which provided a full spectrum of body types, aesthetics, and flavor. This model worked well because a variety of options cast a wider net and invited more and varied patrons to join the party and spend their money. There are times when I miss the rush of being onstage, I always will. The magic of a spotlight and dozens of eyes fixed on me is not something I’ll soon forget, but my priorities have changed, so now it’s time for me to pay it forward and shove dollar bills down the underwear of the next starry-eyed entertainer.