Revolutionary Gay Magazine recently wrote an article about the common relationship mistakes gay men make, and I couldn’t disagree more. Its credibility and value diminished drastically after listing open relationships as one of these mistakes. We as gay men often compare ourselves to our heterosexual counterparts when the social structures around our sex and sexuality are far from similar or equal. While this article makes a few good points, I especially agree with their points about hastily attaching yourself to your partner and the need to respect boundaries, it primarily reads and panders to heteronormative ideals.
Homosexual relationships involve two people of the same sex. We are not our mothers and fathers, nor are we our grandparents whose relationships are vastly different from their children. Sometimes we want to be seen as part of the norm, but our differences also make our experiences unique. Members of the same sex share social similarities that set them apart from heterosexual pairings and, while there is some overlap, they present their own set of challenges. Communication styles, gendered expectations, and sociopolitical contracts are just a few of the many differences that men and women navigate differently. We’re not here to unpack those, but they must be considered in the dialogue.
The conversation around queer relationships is ever-evolving which better informs overall social structures by adding new resources and insights that we didn’t previously have the language to discuss. We should certainly embrace the overlap, but that also means giving equal weight to our differences. It’s time for us to redefine relationships instead of comparing or romanticizing them with antiquated notions of singular, eternal pairings. The world today is not the same as it was a century ago, and it will continue to evolve, as well as our understanding of it and each other. If you’re one to go into a jealous frenzy after someone gives your partner a lingering look, perhaps a root cause analysis of why that is your reaction is the best course of action.